This is a situation that I received at “Share Your Story”. It was sent to the email provided under anonymous.
Please Help, I Don’t Know What To Do…..
I have been married for 6 months and really don’t know if it’s a mistake. We argue so much over stupid things and he has such a temper (always has) there is just never any need for arguments to get so out of hand. I’m just a laid back type of person and can’t be bothered with rows and will always try and sort things but he throws a strop and won’t talk about anything until his over the strop. I feel so alone and just don’t know what to do. It doesn’t hell that I’m 5 months pregnant ether! Honeymoon baby!! If we was still just in a relationship, not married and pregnant, I know we wouldn’t be together. I feel trapped. We have a house, we can’t just split up there’s too much stress with the baby and what would happen and I don’t want to be a single mum. I’m 30 and just don’t know what to do. I cry all the time cos I, so scared about our future. I love him so much but really don’t know if our marriage is going to work but I don’t want to be without him either. I feel so lost and just don’t know what to do about it all…. Everyone says the first year of marriage is hard and hasn’t helped with the stress of pregnancy and trying to sort out new house etc, we have put a lot of pressure on us but deep down I just think everything was rushed into and I honestly dont know what the future will be…..,and being pregnant isn’t helping as I just dont know what to do……..
I didn’t change or edit anything in this message. I copied the message and posted.
I believe that you need to give your marriage a chance. six months are not enough to conclude wither your marriage will work or not. Yes, it’s true that the first year of marriage could be a little tough, even if you’ve dated each other for a while. Both of you are still adapting to a whole new life that is not as romantic as it was before marriage. He has his ways in handling things, you are different, and it doesn’t help that you’re carrying a baby. Pregnancy could be so stressful emotionally as well as physically. I’m sure you’re familiar with how pregnant women are more emotional and prone to stress more than usual. When he holds his baby between his arms, and looks at his eyes, his feelings could change as he realizes that he’s a father, and you may develop more tolerance to arguments to keep your family together. You may get a little depressed after delivering your baby because of the “blues” or what we call Post Partum Depression. Some women go through this phase, and sometimes it’s more serious than you think. If this is the case then I would advise you to see a psychiatric as soon as you begin experiencing any negative feelings.
In the time being, try to think in a positive manner. Don’t jump into splitting or divorcing ideas. I understand that things are not easy for you, and you may think “easy said than done”. You’ve mentioned that you’re a laid back person. try to stay away as soon as he starts any argument, or explain to him that you don’t want to argue. Try to wait until you have your baby. Maybe things will change unexpectedly to the better. Most married couples face problems at some point, the trick is how to handle these problems. As you get to know him better and get used to his personalty, things will change. Don’t give up too fast.
Now, if he has different problems such as drinking, gambling, violence,..etc. this would be something else that needs to be handled in a different way.
I wish you a happy future and a precious baby.
If you can think of any advice, or have a similar experience or even disagree with the answer, Please help by posting your comment. I’m sure she’ll appreciate any helpful advice.